Happy Christmas everyone. 39 issues of year-end non-news and I don't think we've ever started there. Obviously, having retired, we have more time for gentle pondering, quiet consideration, thought-through responses and I think I'll tidy the garage today.
'There are a couple of red stoles in the vestry; borrow one of those.'
This was a church's solution to the Steve-never-having-owned-a-red-stole problem. At least it would have been if the choice hadn't been between one that the moths ate having first bathed in bleach or a worn-out tattered and faded one with bits hanging off (the better one). After the service a member of the congregation asked if she could take it home to fix it.
Rural life tip 1: look sad for long enough and someone will help
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| Madeira |
After many years of Gozoing we worked out that it was the familiarity that made it a place for a relaxing holiday in the middle of two busy jobs. No longer necessary. Having heard lots of friends big up Madeira we spent a brilliant two weeks there this summer. Because we're more traditionalist than we thought we were, we're going back in 2024.
Where is the fine line between tribute act and classical canon? We ask because we enjoyed a bunch of very talented musicians perform the music of Mike Oldfield, including the whole of Tubular Bells and it felt like neither.
Live comedy was provided by Stewart Lee and Mark Steel (who played the piano in the interval). Reminded us of seeing Spike Milligan live and he and his accompanists played jazz at the end of the show 'And we'll keep doing it til you all F off home.'
Now we live near the RSC we got to see Julius Caesar and As You Like It. Both productions entertained us although some critics were unimpressed by the directors' liberties. Maybe we're less traditionalist than we thought we were.
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| Ford |
People of the village who are organised can take advantage of the library van (4th Friday, once a volunteer can be found), Royal Mail van (every Friday), fish and chip van (every other Wednesday) and scrap metal van (various Sunday afternoons). If you can also hold brown, green and black bin days in your head you're made.
Rural life tip 2: find the binfluencers
We have friends who would live a mile away if it wasn't for the river. There's a ford but it hasn't been used much since bridges. The friends are moving further away but that will make the journey shorter.
Harvington is probably derived from Herefordtun, which means settlement (ton) where army (here) can cross (ford) the river. Avon means river so it is the River River. Steve worked out he grew up near the Bourn Brook, which means Brook Brook. It's amazing what you learn when you have time (are a pedant - ed).
Rural life tip 3: it may only come half way up the ducks but it's still deep
We are in an area of the Vale of Evesham called The Lenches. A lench? Glad you asked. There's a Church one. A Rous one. An Atch one. A Sheriffs one and an Ab one. It means ridge. You can work out the rest for homework. There is a Lenches walking group. We joined and met a Labour Councillor, which was a surprise since a blue-rosetted skunk would get a majority here.
Liz went on a Zoë diet. Once a monitor had been attached to her arm which reported to a mobile app she ate weird combinations of stuff for two weeks. Steve now has a list of stuff she can't eat. Maybe the phone gives shock therapy if she enjoys a meal. Luckily Steve does the cooking so... (insert punchline). Liz decorated. Steve did mood boards.
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| Dining Room Mood Board |
The genetic time-bomb went off. Steve bowed to the inevitable hearing aids. We turned the tele down. Now he removes those plus teeth and glasses at night. 'The bedside table has more interesting bits of you now'. It's not only the stoles that are tattered and faded with bits hanging off. Liz wins joke of the year but it's nice to have a repeatable one which last happened in 1993:
St: Talk dirty to me
Liz: Allotment
The number of worshippers at Abbots Morton is usually low. Steve arrived first to preach and preside. Nobody there. Church locked. Eventually a warden and a musician dawdled along, accompanied by dogs. There was a minor panic at 10.59 when a member of the congregation pitched up but we managed to cope. Uncommon Worship anyone?
Rural life tip 4: the dogs have regular pews and are territorial
We popped back to Nailsea for the fifth Trendlewood Community Festival. It was great to see the team do the biggest festival so far without our having any duties. We stopped the previous night in a slightly disappointing pub and drove home having caught up with loads of old friends. We felt relaxed.
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| Dining Room |
This followed the Harvington Festival, aggregate attendance 499,500 short of Woodstock but a good effort by a small village.
Grandson Lowen now uses words. Steve is Grandpa-car-no-roof. Liz is Granny rain because it always does when we turn up.
RSPB cat scarers don't scare deaf cats. These require the old fashioned technique of aiming a stone at the fence just above them and occasionally missing.
Space left here for Rural life tip 5 when invented
The hearing aids were free but we spent a grand on glasses. We're fashion victims alright. Did we say Merry Christmas to all of you? We did. What a waste of words.
St and Liz
