Saturday, December 10, 2022

Christmas 2022

400 metres from Warwickshire

We sent a change of address card to our Christmas address list. If you missed out please email, tweet, message or WhatsApp.

The thing they don't tell you about downsizing is that even though you got rid of half your furniture, in order to move into a house half the size, the half you kept will look odd in a smaller house.

Furthermore, much as we loved our wooden former shop display cases and dressers this house is not piney. We liked them when they worked. Now we don't.

Downsizing tip 1 - start early

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. After a leaving do from the church which left Steve in need of counselling, he finally retired in January. Then, because our retirement property wasn't ready, we found ourselves renting out Trendlewood Vicarage for a few months, eventually moving in October.

This was a disappointing start to retirement but, lifting up a narrative trapdoor and finding two positives hiding away, it meant that Ben had a bit longer to find his own place (which he did) and we were able to give away our possessions more slowly. 30 years of corks found a good home.

Ben also managed to rent some personal studio space in Bristol which pleased him. Check out:

@UmargaMusic (pronounced OOH-MAR-GA)

First 2 EPs (LiBL001 & 002) distributed by @unearthedsounds

Downsizing tip 2 - get rid of lodgers and try to send them away with furniture

Liz's birthday breakfast: Teatro Lounge, Clevedon
We promised ourselves a longer holiday post-Christmas and had an enjoyable two weeks in a snug cottage in the centre of Castle Combe. It was the sort of place where tourists look in the windows but it was nice to pretend to live there.

The Church of England's Property Dept were so apologetic for taking 39 weeks over a 17 week job they agreed to pay our removal fees. We spent it on bespoke shelving and a flat-screen wall-mounted TV just in time for the World Cup. Lucky eh? Almost bought some Scooby-Doo wardrobe doors. May still. Look it up.

Downsizing tip 3 - having less space is flippin' expensive

For the six weeks after we arrived we had regular visits from the lovely Mo and his team from Leicester who supplied to the wrong specification, fitted in the wrong place, set up, set up, set up and put online our smoke detection equipment. We seriously wonder if the Property Department (who won't let us have a gas fire, steps in the garden or, allegedly, draughts) have fitted cameras now. If they have we hope they enjoyed last Tuesday evening as much as we did.

Harvington has two shops, two churches and two pubs. The best shop is a farm shop 400 metres away. Popping out for some milk can cost £20 plus if you find meat pastry products, chocolate and cheese alluring. The other shop, a convenience store, is run by a family who find customers an inconvenience.

At the Parish Church the liturgical content is undemanding with snatches of gob-smacking brilliance. Worth the wait. However 'Jesus is bord in Bethlehem' suggests the need for a proof-reader. The people are lovely. The other church is a Baptist Church and therefore wrong.

We go to the Coach and Horses. The Golden Cross has the footie and good beer but also a load of sweary men who consider people who arrived here since 1992 as newcomers not to be trusted. The Coach and Horses do stuff and chips quite well and cheaply, plus Butty Bach, Landlord and HPA.

We got back to lovely Gozo after three years to find that our friend Jason had sold Xlendi Tourist Services three weeks before lock-down 1. He is a charmed entrepreneur. Nicolette and Steve, who bought the business, are equally friendly but are struggling to get the cash flow back up. They can make more money out of short lets to large mainland Maltese families. We note that all Gozitan farm houses have a second, nastier set of chipped crockery in a cupboard for such parties. Now we don't need two weeks of sun and relaxing reading quite so much we may move on for our summer holidays. But Gozo has been a great place for us. We will return.

Possibly a Dad joke has occurred
Our grandson Lowen gave us much joy over the year. Jon and Carys moved to Frome, which suits them greatly. Everyone in Frome either opens an Etsy business or a bespoke bakery eventually. It's cool in a vegan steampunk sort of way.

We used to own three dining room tables. Jon and Carys took one. We gave one away in Nailsea and travelled with the smallest one, the one we liked the least. It was too big. Gave it away and bought a new one.

Downsizing tip 4 - having less space is ridiculously expensive

So we got here and are settling down. Liz is doing all the decorating because 'It needs doing properly this time' which, coincidentally, is why Steve does the cooking, washing, ironing, shopping and is in charge of the bins. If that joke makes the cut Liz will be ill. We have a doctor (who called Steve in because the alcohol survey suggested he drank too much), a dentist, some new friends and are caught midway between two Waitroses which is a cause of middle-class angst as well as a potential Country and Western song. Steve has a gym; Liz a pilates class. We helped out at the Christmas Fair and are now signed up to do so until the day we die because of Liz's genius at children's craft and Steve's faked enthusiasm for splat-the elf. We bought a hot composter which is cool. Until it gets hot it greatly adds to the world's stock of fruit flies. Garden birds are now being fed and cats discouraged although the one that used to live here is dead confused.

Late news. The visit to the surgery to discuss alcohol ended with the surgery's algorithm being adjusted. Apparently Steve doesn't drink too much but 'Most patients lie; you didn't'. Don't the doctors look young these days?

We now have more time and may visit you. Be on your guard. Now, back to the footie.

Downsizing tip 5 - get your priorities right

St and Liz