This has been going on for 35 years. Ta, if you've been with us all the way. There's a blogged archive should you feel the need. Google it. There was a really good joke around 2003.
We have been in Nailsea for thirteen years now. Unlucky for some.
Lovely local guy (LLG) has just finished fitting a new carpet on the stairs and landing. It is making us happy. The previous carpet had made several determined efforts to kill us and was looking more coffee coloured than its manufacturers intended back in the, oh we don't know, say 1890s and, as LLG put it, 'They don't make that underlay anymore, it disintegrates.' The new rule is that coffees must be taken upstairs on a lipped tray but this plays havoc with the Liz left Steve right rule to make sure we get the right kind of milk. Cos' she bought a circular lipped tray, that's why. Why would someone do that?
Many fine things have happened this year and we are in extraordinarily fine spirits. No, it's no good, we can't keep that up but backs recover, teeth can be refitted and lost make-up bags and watches can be found in places like the fridge and the washing basket. Plus, if any GWR executives are found dead we will only be two of about a quarter of a million suspects.
Back in January we went wassailing for the first time. Our conservative evangelical friends (to avoid ambiguity, the word 'friends' is technical term) will now be praying for us vigorously. In fact it's quite a laugh, a cross between a panto and a low-key exorcism with mulled cider. The evil spirits have now left the orchard (oh no they haven't).
That month it was a privilege to be guests at the Nailsea Mountain Rescue Team's annual dinner where a new motto was launched - Liberandum non est bonum. Steve takes his duties as chaplain to this organisation very seriously and often spends longer preparing his address than his BBC Radio Bristol thoughts for the day. Don't tell Breakfast with Emma.
A glance back at the diary shows that if it ever falls into enemy hands translation will be an expert job. Have a go at IME for TIs (Wells). Or perhaps LMG EP (NMC). Not forgetting CTINAD. Also ADMPG (Saltford). Liz's diary is easier beginning each day, as it does, with 'Try to catch train to work' and ending with vodka. She is still sort of running Lakeland Bath from a defensive midfield position without the captain's armband.
Liz's Mum hit the bucket (beat) list quite hard and went to the garden centre on the back of a Harley having died (beat) her hair red. We are impressed with the idea of growing old disgracefully. Talking of which we saw Clive James in Cheltenham shortly after 9/11. He offered the wonderful thought that any man with sense would trade 72 virgins for one woman who knew what she was doing. Amen. RIP. One other RIP was D Wayne Love of the Alabama 3 (there's at least 8 of them and they're from Brixton) who, quite unexpectedly given his apparent lifestyle, made it to 59 before croaking. Off to see the band without him soon.
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| Wells Palace |
Trendlewood Church reached the age of 30 with a bit of a do and a cake. A quiz with one question for each of the last 30 years is available. Steve fell into the car boot whilst loading stuff in and this pretty much wrecked the next four months. Mind you, it's much easier getting out of a gig if you have a stick. Also no church meetings end with table-stacking. Plaudits to TCMT for carrying all the luggage across an airport four times. She struggled with the idea that her husband started to feel better after the fourth one.
Steve discovered that although Church of England clergy are not allowed to take weddings off church premises this rule only applies in England. Registration is a devolved matter and so it was brilliant to conduct our friends Dave and Pam's wedding in a hotel in Ballynahinch. Standing in the middle of the room between the Protestants and the Catholics he suggested that in previous years this might have made him uneasy. After a short pause the laughter came as a relief. Our Belfast friends Ali and Graham hospitalitied us for the weekend to a very high standard. Good craic, as they might say.
Entertainment provision this year by Wildwood Kin, Adrian Younge, Easy Star All Stars, Metronomy, Vervain. Also Masterchef, The Repair Shop (could someone take England in), Dicte, Line of Duty and His Dark Materials.
We will brush over the Villa play-off semi-final victory on penalties. Well, 50% of us will. The dreadful EFL on Quest has to be watched on an ipad because the TV signal is rubbish.
This football's awful isn't it?
Yes, and the programme lasts so long.
(Woody Allen did that joke better)
Steve reached the age of that Beatles song. Untruths in it include:
- I could be handy, mending a fuse...
- Sunday mornings go for a ride...
- Doing the garden, digging the weeds...
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| Barney |
Barney came to stay a couple of times. He labrador, black and delightful. He had a bit of a breakdown when, having seen Steve walk out the door, he heard him on the radio some minutes later and ran round the house trying to locate the voice. Barney was with us last Christmas and got the 'I've never had anything to eat, ever' look pretty much sorted. He also kept the occasional feline visitors to the garden on their toes. Diesel popped in for one night only. His owners have relocated to Devon.
We went to Dulverton on the edge of Exmoor for a pleasant spring week and Eardisland in Herefordshire for autumn. Both delightful places, the latter a converted stable in the grounds of the Old Vicarage. Arrived in this job 200 years too late. Went to Morning Prayer in Eardisland where there were no Bible readings, which makes wassailing seem positively Christian. Summer involved Gozo, reading, eating, swimming and rehabilitation.
Us, to Jason (Gozitan travel agent): If we've left the EU by June?
Jason: If we're at war with Britain by then, come and be on our side.
It turns out that, for a small country, the Maltese know a lot of people who can have you done over, so it's not a bad ploy.
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| Gozo |
After Gerry Adams tweeted how long it took him to get round his house turning off Christmas lights, @realnannysheila replied 'Surely you know someone who can fit a timer?' Tweet of the year award.
Just paid the bill and found out that LLG is Tom. Man who can make doors shorter is Adam. Until he comes the bathroom is open plan.
And so, as Steve embarks on another journey to enquire of local shop-keepers if their boutique was where Liz left her watch, purse, make-up bag and memory cells we sign off and wish you the best of everything.
Let's get this Brexit started, oops, we mean done.
SWMBO and HOS (initialism solutions will be available at Epiphany)
