Thursday, December 18, 2014

Christmas 2014


Christmas 2014

We read Facebook and that. You lot seem to have lives. How does that work? We don't. Not really sure when it happened, and not looking for suggestions, but we seem to have become dull.

Monday morning 5.00 a.m. Roll over in bed. Woman missing. Must have dreamed he pulled. 5.25 a.m Vaguely roused by sound of shower. 5.40 a.m. Is that a hair drier? Rather think it is. 5.50 a.m. All attempts at sleep over due to noise of car windscreen being scraped. Get up and make coffee then try to find things to fill the day (Odd Socks, Candy Crush, counting garden birds, recycling, washing, gym, funerals, media commitments etc.) until the sound of a carphone in the drive announces return of dream-woman for a few minutes at about 7.00 p.m. Greets her and finds out what time she is getting home from work. 'In about half an hour when I've done the figures.' Contrives supper for that precise moment. Have ten minute chat then go to church meeting. Return to find place on sofa taken by laptop and sales figures.

Tuesday - Thursday (see Monday).

Friday - drive or take train miles to visit friends or relatives.

Saturday - see Monday but sometimes with a better evening.

Sunday - woman still in bed at 6.00 a.m. Get up so she can roll over and find him missing. Do church stuff.

First social event of 2014 was the Annual Dinner of the Nailsea Mountain Rescue Association of which Steve is the chaplain (honorary). We know there are no mountains in Nailsea but should any appear we will be ready. Joint meetings with the Backwell Lifeboat Association are also popular.

In retail homeshop news, the Head Office went to Thanet, the stock to Chester and the management structure to pieces.

Steve was interviewed by Russian State television this year because they became interested in clergy who used social media and someone told them his name. Apparently he went out on the main evening news to twelve million or so. Siberia beckons.

Steve rated Of Montreal and Tuneyards. They are bands, Mum. We both loved Dave Gorman.

Started making enquiries about multiplying our church as it is growing. Turns out to be a lot easier to close them than open them. Turns out to upset people far more if you are innovative and interesting than dull. Turns out that neither of these things will stop it happening. If the Church of England ever ask you to join their talent pool, clergy chums, politely decline because you have far too important a job to do at grassroots. Avoid hierarchy; throw rocks at the very idea. Today they made a Man Utd fan Bishop of Stockport. The very thought. The church children do a very good impression of Steve so got the gig leading the first part of services.

In retail homeshop news the idea that you have to have it in order to sell it proved unworkable so a new angle was developed and sales of non-existent furniture went through the roof.

RIP Brenda Tilley (Aunty Brenda) aged 97. The last of Steve's Dad's siblings.

Things from the stand-up theology script this year:

A bios is not the same as a fairy story (but it looks a bit like it).

The Bible contains at least one racist joke, about Moabites. It is a very good one.

Liz and Jon
In retail homeshop news it is bad to find out what important things people did after you have made them redundant.

Spent two or three very happy evenings at the Pony and Trap, Chew Magna (how to lose teeth?) as Michelin-starred dining came within ten miles.

Caught up with old school friend John on Facebook who then proceeded to publish embarrassing photos.

Nephew Jake married Molly who turned out to be called Zoe. Ben got a degree after sixteen years trying and a job at Sony, selling secrets to the North Koreans. Jon still works at Zipcar and added keys to the many instruments he plays in Black Maple.

Opted for an early night rather than a gig when discovering the band were due on at 11.30 p.m. Getting too old for this palaver.

Gozo still our special place. Hot, dry, civilised and no wild animals. Came away with no bites this year and not because dream woman is losing teeth. Chis Packham is trying to convince them to stop shooting feathered passage migrants but since most of the police shoot for a hobby too it was he who got arrested.

In retail homeshop news refunds of undelivered furniture interfered with sales figures.

Come off it this is the finest one you get at Christmas. Relax. Breathe. The understanding will come. Roll with it.
Tilley boys recreate famous Covent Garden shot.
New neighbours. One plays drums in the garage. He is improving. He is not the noisiest member of the family, that accolade going to the disciplinarian informing the drummer that he is too loud.

Listening to Talking Heads Remain in Light whilst writing this. Is there a funkier album? No, there isn't. Stop arguing.

Drinking New Zealand sauvignon blanc, Wild Beer, (by whom our friend Richard has been employed as the Dream Weaver, how cool is that?) Butcombe Best, Gold and Blond.

In retail homeshop news management by stick and carrot was introduced. They hit you with both. Watch The Thick of It for Malcolm Tucker's ruder, and better, joke on this.

Nailsea parking chaos is the funniest long-running free newspaper correspondence saga. We swear sometimes this town has a rush fifteen minutes. We have four free car-parks and sometimes two of them can get full.

The six month Holy Trinity building project was completed after two years but the new building is really lovely and worth the wait. Café Create is now back in its old home and our garage emptier.

Noah's Ark Zoo Farm got elephants but none of them understand young earth creationism either.

We wish you the good will and peace thing. Hands up if you got the Bishop of Stockport gag. Thought not.

St and Lz